So many times I get way ahead of myself in life. I start thinking ahead and then get anxious, excited, scared, fearful, doubtful, whatever the case may be, I already begin to have a reaction to the possible that lies ahead. Right now I am trying hard not to think about having my own kindergarten classroom. There is an opening in Calallen for kinder. I would love kinder. How much fun would it be to play and teach all day? My heart jumped and did flip flops over this possibility when I found out about it. Then two days later I found out there were 30 other applicants. My heart immediately went to sadness and disappointment. CR asked me, "Why? What makes you think that you can not be that 1 out of 31 that gets the job?" My response, "Well, because I do not have much experience, and I have NO teaching experience with elementary except subbing." He hugged me and said I have a running chance just like everyone else. I am thankful for a husband like that. I should not have thoughts of doubt like that! I need to remember God's promises and the fact that He is in charge of my life. Not me. Not the superintendent of Calallen or any other school. God is. This morning's Girlfriends in God really spoke to me about this:
All right. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not exactly the natural blonde that I was as a child. In fact, I pay good money to have artsy highlights transform my hair into a chunky blend of various shades. The weird thing is, the brunette and blonde in me are in a constant battle to dominate one another. Last week, the blonde in me won big time. Here's what happened... After I dropped my kids off at school, I swung into the local gas station and ran inside to prepay. I handed the cashier forty dollars cash and headed out the door to pump my gas. As I left the mini-mart, I held the door for the woman behind me. As she passed in front of me, we recognized each other. She is the secretary for a local church where I have ministered in the past. So, we chatted for a few minutes and then each went to our cars and went about our days. My next stop? Starbucks. I grabbed a piping hot venti dark roast, added a happy little splash of half and half, and settled down with my Bible and journal for some one-on-One time with the Lord. In the hour and a half that followed, I read, prayed, and chatted with a few friends that came through. It was a very peaceful, pleasant morning...until a horrible realization hit me full force: I never pumped my forty dollars worth of gasoline! I had pulled up to the gas pump, paid the cashier, and then drove away! And, to answer the question you're surely asking, "No...I didn't even have a receipt to prove that I had paid." This was not good. The blonde in me hid as the brunette in me snickered. A cold panic washed over my heart. I felt awful. My husband and I run our household on a cash budget. We try our best to be good stewards of our money and to make wise financial decisions. This blonde moment was a possible forty-dollar blunder!! In a flash I was out the door and on my way back to the gas station. I felt like such a ding-dong! I prayed the whole way there, "Please Lord, let the same cashier still be working. Please let her remember me!" I screeched into the parking lot on two wheels, ran inside, and blurted out, "Do you remember me?" The cashier turned to me with a smile and a receipt in her hand and said, "I know exactly who you are! You are paid in full. Go ahead and fill up!" I thanked her and breathed a big sigh of relief. As I pumped my gasoline, the panic faded to peace. In that moment, the Lord spoke to my heart as if to say, "My sweet daughter, so many times you pull up a chair to spend time with me and fill up your soul on my daily bread, only to be distracted and leave empty. Rest assured, each time you return to my heart and to my Word, my response is the same to you: "I know exactly who you are! You are paid in full. Go ahead and fill up!"
No lie, I saw myself doing this exact same thing! Sometimes in life we begin to go faster than we can. And every time the Lord reassures us, "Come here child and fill up. I have paid the price in full."
I re-read Psalm 139 this morning to follow up with this story. It is such a great chapter to remind us we are not in control. :) So many times I get aggravated with my past. For the fact that I have been in a 7 year battle to try to become a teacher, which I feel could have easily been avoided had I not fallen for a certain someone when I did. But that happened. Had that not happened, I may not have met CR. The Lord graciously found me on that crooked path and helped me get back on the straight one. Once I decided again to let Him lead and that I would follow,it all came together. He led me to CR. There may have been another way that He had planned for us to meet, but He used even my bad choices to direct me in His way. Thank the Lord for not giving up on me!
"Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in your book they all were written, The days fashioned before me." Psalm 139:16
CR watering the garden. Yes, he pumped 500 gallons of water onto it the other day. Out of the sprayer tank. I told him this was the redneck watering method.
I really miss her face, BUT I get to see her in a week!
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